Temenos Journal II

April 14, 2012

How to recognize (and avoid) a womanizer

My girlfriend asked me recently, “Why would I fall for a man who is a womanizer… again?” Gullible, that’s why.
And optimistic. But we’re getting smarter….

A womanizer is a man who likes to have multiple women that he flirts with, easily slipping into duplicity. The difference between a womanizer and a normal gregarious single guy is that the womanizer keeps his flirtations a secret, while the normal guy is open about his other female friends. A womanizer lies easily. A normal guy doesn’t lie as easily and has more integrity.

A womanizer will tell a woman whatever he thinks she wants to hear, whether he is sincere or not. He wants her to like him, at the cost of being real. If the woman is vulnerable to flattery, then she believes him because she wants to believe him. A womanizer is usually a practiced charmer. He can spot a lonely woman a mile away.

Here is how a womanizer’s brain works: (This conversation actually took place.)

A womanizer friend of mine denied he was in love with a woman when he opened his emails to her with “Hi Sweetie” and signed them off with “I love you.” “But I’m not in love with her,” he insisted. “She means nothing to me.” I asked him why on earth he would tell a woman he loved her if he did not love her. Didn’t he think this was misleading? He shrugged it off. He said “I love you” is an ambiguous phrase… it doesn’t mean anything, he said.

When a womanizer is going for the blow job, or the financial hand-out, he will tell her anything he thinks might work.

Another aspect of the womanizer is that he can quickly turn cold, and will drop a flirtation like a hot potato if the woman catches on to his duplicity. He will accuse her of being a nut case and of liking him way more than he likes her. He has no remorse. He didn’t really care that much for her anyway. Besides, he has back-ups… always.

Can a womanizer be cured? Lots of women think they will be the one to cure a womanizer they love. It depends first on whether or not the womanizer himself wants to grow up and get real. So if you find yourself attracted to a womanizer, consider his age. If he’s over 35, he’s not likely to change. Don’t believe him. You can have fun with him, but know that you will never really be able to know if he’s being real, or just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants. It’s okay to roll your eyes at him. He deserves it.

So how do we avoid attracting and being attracted to a womanizer? Get your self esteem from within and above. Don’t look for validation that you are beautiful and desirable outside of yourself.  If you see a man who is attractive & charming but your radar sends up red flags, trust your instincts and just be amused and entertained. Be glad you don’t fall for that anymore. And be grateful that this time you’re not going to waste your precious time and energy chasing what isn’t real.

A New Survey….

… from internet security company BullGuard has determined that one out of every five guys has a separate email account hidden from his significant other. One out of five guys also keeps a secret second cell phone!

If your gut says he’s cheating….

… you’re probably right! Read “Trust Your Inner Banana”

You might also like: Tough Love Baby
How Cheaters Cheat

Here are other good articles on how to recognize a womanizer:

http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_inner_workings_of_a_womanizer

http://www.socyberty.com/Men/The-Womanizer-Complex.35306

http://www.thefrisky.com/2010-06-29/10-signs-hes-a-womanizer/
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18 Comments »

  1. Never trust a married man who says that he and his wife are “no longer intimate sexually.” He is just trying to test you to see if you’ll feel sorry for him. He is trying to break down your barriers by giving you personal and explicit information about his marriage so that maybe eventually you will sleep with him. Once you sleep with him he will ignore you and devalue you as he is a classic narcissist and cares nothing about your feelings.

    Comment by Fed up with womanizers — April 27, 2012 @ 3:38 pm |Reply

  2. At the age of 42 and thinking that I kind of new what men were like I had my first taste of a womaniser.
    He was good looking, CHARMING – even though I don’t need compliments he was over the top with them, even proposed marriage on the third date.
    My gut instinct told me don’t go there but these men are like fine wine, irresistible and you get a high after seeing them.
    I opened up and you could say dishonest with myself as I sent him texts, not many, but just confirmation that I liked him to (he said he was in love with me.)
    We were suppose to catch up for coffee the next day andi have never heard from him again.
    Realizing straight away that I attracted this type I had to look at myself as to why? It came down to that moment in my life I was going through a break up and rather than sit in the pain, I looked for a replacement.
    So now I feel more lonely and a bit used than ever.
    I’ll walk through this all with a good lesson but boy, it’s a killer.
    Oh, I did one thing right – I never slept with him 🙂

    Comment by Catherine — January 15, 2013 @ 4:55 am |Reply

    • Good for you! Yes I know it feels good you didn’t give yourself up emotionally to him.

      Comment by Nicole — February 12, 2013 @ 6:25 pm |Reply

      • what you said is rite.. but my girl friend is much affected by a womanizer whom she dated earlier. how i can make her mind clear from sorrows…

        Comment by sarath — April 10, 2013 @ 9:12 pm

      • Of course her healing is her own responsibility… but you can be supportive and patient and understanding

        Comment by Genie Webster — April 11, 2013 @ 6:51 am

      • You cannot make her mind do anything. Try to be patient and understanding. Support her in her healing. Good luck!

        Comment by Genie Webster — May 19, 2013 @ 6:34 pm

  3. excellent submit, very informative. I’m wondering why the other specialists of this sector don’t
    understand this. You must proceed your writing. I am sure, you’ve a great readers’ base already!

    Comment by to cold call — February 3, 2013 @ 12:37 am |Reply

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    Comment by does she like me — April 30, 2013 @ 2:39 pm |Reply

  5. http://youtu.be/T5CfU5FUiug <—-click link

    "Womanizer"

    Superstar
    Where you from, hows it going?
    I know you
    Gotta clue, what you're doing?
    You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here
    But I know what you are, what you are, baby

    Look at you
    Gettin more than just re-up
    Baby, you
    Got all the puppets with their strings up
    Faking like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em
    I know what you are, what you are, baby

    Womanizer, Woman, Womanizer
    You're a Womanizer, oh Womanizer oh
    You're a Womanizer, baby
    You you you are, You you you are
    Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer (Womanizer)

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You got me goin'
    You're oh so charmin'
    But I can do it
    Womanizer

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You say I'm crazy
    I got your crazy
    You're nothin' but a
    Womanizer

    Daddy-O
    You got the swagger of champion
    Too bad for you
    You just cant find the right companion
    I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard
    It could be easy, who you are
    That's just who you are, baby

    Lollipop
    Must mistake me, you're a sucker
    To think that I
    Would be a victim not another
    Say it, play it how you wanna
    But no way I'm ever gonna fall for you, never you, baby

    Womanizer, Woman, Womanizer
    You're a Womanizer, oh Womanizer oh
    You're a Womanizer, baby
    You you you are, You you you are
    Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer
    (Womanizer)

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You got me goin'
    You're oh so charmin'
    But I can do it
    You Womanizer

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You say I'm crazy
    I got your crazy
    You're nothin' but a
    Womanizer

    Maybe if we both lived in a different world
    (Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer)
    It would be all good, and maybe I could be your girl, but I can't cause we don't

    Womanizer, Woman, Womanizer
    You're a Womanizer, oh Womanizer oh
    You're a Womanizer, baby
    You you you are, you you you are
    Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer
    (Womanizer)

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You got me goin'
    You're oh so charmin'
    But I can do it
    Womanizer

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    You say I'm crazy
    I got your crazy
    You're nothin' but a
    Womanizer

    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Boy, don't try to front
    I know just what you are
    Womanizer, Woman, Womanizer
    You're a Womanizer
    Oh Womanizer oh
    You're a Womanizer, baby

    Comment by Stacy Alexander, Writer/Artist — January 17, 2014 @ 11:45 pm |Reply

  6. I’m womanizer

    Comment by Giles dodds — December 1, 2014 @ 9:58 am |Reply

  7. Just out of a short relationship with one of those… had the gut feeling when it all began… knew something was off, that I should know better… he insisted, went after me, charming and flirtatious and all… I tried to resist… he’s good looking, a real an ego booster… I fell for it. And the rest of the story’s as per the article above. what a waste of my time 🙂 I’m 35, I thought i would never fell for one of those guy again, but here I go 🙂 good thing is it took me 24 hour to recover. I learned my lessons 😉

    Comment by Sam — September 11, 2015 @ 5:07 pm |Reply

    • Congratulations on recognizing his type quickly and recovering quickly. Thanks for sharing that!

      Comment by Genie Webster — January 9, 2016 @ 8:08 am |Reply

  8. It was helpful to read this article. I have a friend at work whom it is dealing with a womanizer. She realized right away she was dealing with one, but the situation has gotten weird. This individual started getting her attention by flirting with her in front of co-workers, and demonstrating that he was a pleasant person to talk to. But he never actually made a move to ask her out on a date. So, she began to ignore him and avoid being in the same places as him. The guy started acting like a jerk. He would flirt with other girls in front of her desk, so she can see him. He spoke loudly with other guys about her new girlfriend, and all the activities they did together. He told his co-worker he met the woman that he love after meeting her 10 days ago and he was going to marry her. Meanwhile, he started fooling around with his female worker by pulling her bra strap and grabbing her. He would spend time talking with her a lot. Despite, all the things he is doing he continuous to try to get my friend’s attention. Since, she continues to ignore him, he is being rude to her. He is in his 20s, perhaps his mid-20s, however he acts very immature. He constantly talking about previous girlfriends, and how he treats them good. He does mention his infidelity. Shane Rhamy has everyone in his pocket, and gets away with things at work, because he is a sociable person. He is always the center of attention. Everything, he does is seen with humor even though he is not the best worker. He is late sometimes and he misses work. My friend is considering a new job. How can someone be so determine in being the center of attention?

    Comment by Gina — October 16, 2015 @ 2:58 am |Reply

    • WOW this is an immature guy and sounds unprofessional. If this type of behavior is the norm at this company I would look for another job.

      Comment by Genie Webster — January 9, 2016 @ 8:10 am |Reply

  9. Womanizer is a fancy name for a SOCIOPATH. After reading this and praying about this man for a whole year my prayer was answered and these are classic examples of being a sociopath. These are the same methods this man did to me but I had no idea he was a “player”/sociopath. The funny thing is he fell for me hard as I did for him but when I realized he had been lying to women all his life to get his way sexually with him that is when I saw what he truly was like. I was shocked and hurt deeply. I could not believe a man could be so romantic and so shallow at the same time to not care about the woman he truly loved. He became obsessed with me but I had to keep my dignity at all costs. There is no way I was going to be with a man that did not value my feelings and be loyal too. I am not stupid and I can not be played because if I allowed it, it would happen all over again. It was either me or playing around and he did not even respect himself enough to straighten his sick minded ways out. I would never want any Tom, Dick or Harry to mess with me sexually as these womanizers like to do with any woman that has a vagina.. I think it is abnormal and sick. I can see playing the field when you are in your younger and still finding your way but when you are passed fifty and still using women for sex and lying to them to get it, I think it is time to check themselves into a mental health facility. It is meaningless and rather ridiculous to want to bed any woman that walks. It is really nothing but exercising their genitals and has no real meaning or deep connection/ bond. It is hurtful, mean, embarrassing and you don’t accomplish anything but break hearts and degrade themselves. The more correct terminology for these womanizers is MALE-WHORE. Any woman that comes across one, you must be strong and stand your ground and do not fall back for them. It maybe be hard at first but you can do it. Time heals all wounds. They are just mentally warped whores and need a shrink. God bless and stay strong. Keep your head held high.

    Comment by Christina — September 5, 2016 @ 1:31 am |Reply

  10. Womanizers will never grow up.
    They are stuck in a self absorbed high school egotistical status. Nor do they care of the innocent woman they hurt
    This is a very good Article for women to make them aware of the sly tricks of a liar

    Comment by Kylee — November 14, 2016 @ 3:09 pm |Reply


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