Temenos Journal II

April 27, 2012

Forgive Your Mother

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my mother. Maybe it’s because I’m quickly approaching the age my mother was when she left this earth. Mortality tends to cause a daughter to be reflective… and long for her mother.

My mother was a better grandmother than she was a mother. I’m glad she had the chance to redeem herself that way. She knew how much I loved her. We spent a lot of one-on-one time together towards the end of her life, so we reached a peaceful understanding despite so many years of silly misunderstandings.

In the final analysis… all was forgiven (on both of our parts) and we were able to relate to one another as fragile, vulnerable, but kind human beings who loved one another despite our errors and misguided attempts to control one another and persuade each other to our way of thinking. In the final analysis… it didn’t matter. What mattered was being present for one another towards the end, and showing each other little kindnesses to help make the way a little softer and easier.

I may not have been the best mother in my child’s eyes (or in my own eyes for that matter), but there is great comfort in knowing that I was a good daughter.

Forgive Your Mother by Iyanla Vanzant

Forgive your mother!  Forgive her not for the things she has done or not done or for the things she said or has not said. Forgive her because it is the only way to open your heart to self-forgiveness. Forgive her not because you don’t have a right to be upset about the way she has handled some things in her life and in your life. Forgive her not because she was right in making you feel wrong, or because she was wrong when she failed to acknowledge that you were right.  Forgive your mother because until you do, there will always be a void in your heart.

Forgive your mother for the many, many times she was not the mother you wanted her to be. Forgive her for the times she did not do things the way you needed them done. Forgive your mother for not protecting you or speaking out in your behalf. Forgive her for not guiding you in the right direction and for the times she totally lost her direction, dragging you along with her. Forgive your mother for demanding things from you that she could not provide for you or for herself. Forgive your mother whether or not she did anything wrong or bad to you. Forgive her not because you are excusing whatever she did or however it affected you. Forgive your mother because holding judgments against her has a devastating impact on your soul.  The judgments you hold will eventually break your heart. Forgive your mother because the truth is, she did the best she could whether you would like to believe it or not. You may have been harboring judgments or negative opinions about your mother and the way she did or did not mother you.

Just for today, forgive yourself for judging your mother.  Once you do, there will be nothing left to forgive her for.





  1. What a beautiful post, Genie. Thank you for sharing this.

    Comment by Stacy Alexander, Writer/Artist — April 27, 2012 @ 7:40 pm |Reply

  2. […] Forgive Your Mother (temenos2.wordpress.com) Rate this: Share this:MoreLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]

    Pingback by Daughters and Mothers « CallowLea — April 27, 2012 @ 8:58 pm |Reply

  3. […] Forgive Your Mother (temenos2.wordpress.com) […]

    Pingback by MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE LESSON OF FORGIVENESS « Vine and Branch World Ministries — May 11, 2012 @ 9:48 am |Reply

  4. Did I ever hurt my mother? Yes. Did my mother ever hurt me? Yes. Did we forgive each other? Yes. Am I “bashing” or “attacking” my mother because I tell the story of our history together and what we both overcame… as testimony to forgiveness and healing? I tell the story to share hope and inspiration to others who may be struggling with forgiving a family member. It’s simple but not easy… Just see things differently. My love and appreciation for my mother continues to deepen and grow. She was a beauty. I miss her.

    Comment by Genie Webster — June 9, 2012 @ 5:26 am |Reply

  5. […] Forgive Your Mother […]

    Pingback by Guilt & Parenting « Temenos Journal II — December 13, 2012 @ 9:33 am |Reply

  6. […] Forgive Your Mother […]

    Pingback by A Mother’s Love | Temenos Journal II — May 7, 2013 @ 5:20 pm |Reply

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